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i want to come out. i want to come out soon. i am terrified though. literally scared to the point that every time i think about doing it tears fall from my eyes. i love my family to death, more than anything in the whole world. I have a very fucked up family. As you may know I was raised by my grandparents because my parents were very ill equipted, and when i say that i mean that they were addicts. My mom and my grandmother havent really spoken in years. The point of that statement is that my grandparents were there for me when my parents werent. They took me in and gave me stability, love, hope, and made me believe that i was possible of doing anything. i dont want to dissapoint them. My biggest fear is that they will be so dissapointed that they wont speak to me. I dont want to lose my family.
My grandmother told me the other day, "There is nothing I hate more in this world than when somebody can look me in the eye and lie to me." That is exactly what I am doing. I am looking her straight (no pun intended) in the eye and telling her that I am interested in woman when she asks about my love life. I am deceiving her. Not only her but the rest of my family and my friends. What should i do? Should i just sit her down and be like "I'm queer and I'm here so get over it.?" How do i even handle this situation? I want to be me. I want to live my life the way i am happiest, gay. I have been having dreams that i am having sex in front of my family members. In one of my dreams my sister told me, "your gay and thats what i love most about you" weird huh? I love my family and I want them to enjoy my happiness with me but how can I if i am so scared? oh my gosh what do i do? I cant live my life like this anymore. help
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2 comments:
I have found that popular definitions of "honesty" are self-serving at best. That said, you probably don't have to lie. You might be better off saying you're not interested right now.
Don't let anyone make you ashamed of the choices you feel you have to make. It's okay to be in the closet if you feel you have other important priorities. You don't have to be anyone's political pawn.
Stop telling lies; but you don't have to come out if you don't want to. Not now. Not ever.
My wife and I have learned over the past 7 years together that if you truly want to be happy, YOU CAN'T worry about what other people think about you. Be confident in your own decisions and know what makes YOU happy, cause it's not gonna be the same things that make other people happy.
You are put here on earth to seek out and fulfill YOUR happiness. And when you are fortunate enough, your partners happiness, but other than that, you do not have an obligation to make anyone else happy. That's why they have thier own life to live.
Live to be happy my friend.
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