on my own.

Well, I did it. I moved away from home! I packed up everything i owned and moved six hours across the state. My nerves had me absolutly sick the days before I left. I put off packing untill i possibly couldnt wait any longer. I have learned the only way I do things when I'm scared is to just leap. Its kinda like you are about to get into the pool. I believe that it was Mary Katherine Gallager (yes off superstar!) that made that analogy at the beginning of the movie. You can either dip your toes in and test the water first or you can just leap! I tried just dipping my toes in the giant pool we call risk, but i can never get completly in. Therefor, I must leap. Not take any time to think about it, just close my eyes and jump in! I have been here for almost three weeks and it has definatly been bittersweet. I am gettting a little bit of cabin fever sitting in this apartment not knowing many people, but it is good to be away for what was normal. My anxiety hasn't made this move easy. Everything has been really hard for me, including riding the bus to campus. I didnt think i would ever survive that awkward bus ride. The campus difference between my old jr college and the university i'm at now. The UNI is huge with people everywhere. This is going to sound super small town but there are also a lot different cultures everywhere. I like seeing different, but I still feel alone. I need to meet people. I have watched a lot of greys anatomy during the past three weeks, so im full of wonderful Meredith Grey quotes but really sticks out to me know is, "We either embrace change, or we get left behind." I have decided im not getting left behind. I am going to jump into every pool possible. I am going to do the things that scare me the most.


You know, I am a really bad gay guy. I really have no clue what to do, besides loving men, to define me as a gay man. Am i supposed to like fashion? Am i supposed to love to decorate? How should I dress? There is also the thinking that I am just myself, and that me being gay doesn't define me as a whole. I would like to know more about homosexuality, I wanna know our history and know what i should stand for. I need gay friends. I need to know what other gay people are like, to get to know myself (if that makes anything else). This brings up the question, and if you have the answer please let me know, but where does one find the gay community and make gay friends? The movie MILK is awesome and really sparks my interest in gay rights. There is a GLTB group on campus that I plan on attending, if I can get the courage to go alone.