My Life.

i have always wanted to blog. i just have some stuff that i felt that people i know shouldnt hear. anonymous is just a great word. i dont even really know how to start this. I am gay. Sometimes, its really hard for me to say that. I am a man of God and yet i have feelings for men. the real question is-is whether my homosexuality is just a phase or permanent. i want it to be permanent but yet i dont. i guess im what you could call confused. there are a lot of things bothering me right now. i havent had the best family life, which if your lucky ill share later,but my seventeen year old is pregnant. she had her first doctors appointment a month ago. during the appointment they found out that her baby has a good chance of having downsyndrome. this scares me. my sissy is only 17 she cant raise a child much less one with specail needs. if i could write a book on gay rules the first rule would be to never fall for a straight guy. not only just a straight guy but your best friend. this sucks. anyway, he will be called birdboy. he looks like a bird. so birdboy is awesome pretty much. he doesnt know im gay. i thought about telling him but i didnt want to ruin our friendship. he is leaving in the morning and i dont know if i will ever see him again. this sucks. i mean he is moving 6 hours away and we could totally visit but i think he will move on. i am so excited for tommorrow though. its foam night at the local gay club. there is this guy who i would like to call downgrade. he is supposed to meet me there. i met him through a friend (who thinks im straight) anyway, i ran into him last weekend at the gay club and he danced with tme and my friend who we call tatts. im not gonna lie, i could do so much better but last time i saw him he got me hard dancing. i dont know what im going to do. if i am going to go against my morals then it might as well be somebody i would enjoy, but we will see i guess alcohol can do some crazy things. so pretty much this blog is just me spilling stuff out like crazzy. i dont know if i have anything else at the moment.