life is now or never

i have the most emotional man alive latly. call it a man period if you wish. i dont even know where to start on this one. i hate what im about to write. i hate not being happy. i guess we will start off with family drama. i talked to my mom this week, for the first time since april. of course she tried to make me feel bad about how my life was better than hers. sucks i know. maybe if she laid off the men and meth she would have what i have. anyway, we still dont know if my sisters baby has downsyndrom, but mom said if it did there was a good chance she wouldnt keep it. she told me this as i was telling her about 30 dollar pair of shoes i just bought my future niece/nephew. we find out tomorrow what sissy is having. i personally cant wait.

latly, i have been hating my life. which really i hate my job. bitch, bitch, bitch. thats all i ever hear. hey you did this wrong. oh and this. and did i mention this. pretty much you never do anything right. i dont wanna get a new job because i dont want to have to start over new somewhere else. however, i do want to start completly over. change my name, my life, my hair color. be somebody else thats completly different. the song is "boston" by augustana. i love that song. i hate this feeling though. the feeling of unsatisfaction. i am lonely. i want somebody to go home to. somebody to love me. again, realize i hate writing stuff like this. i hate showing emotions.

today at work i was bored. i spent 6 hours on this website reading about other peoples lives. creating what they looked like in my head. their likes and dislikes. its was like my own little world. then a customer would come in and i would be forced to come back to the real world. shit. i need to cheer up. i hate unhappiness. its pathetic. and also, i need to get laid. i am so sick of temporaryness. (however you may spell that) ugh whatever moving on.

country girl and i getting closer. weird i know. gossipgirl is pissed. i stole her bestie. thats what you get bitch. anyway, birdboy has dissapeared completly. i saw on his facebook that he was in a relationship. good for him. just to let him know. once a cheater always a cheater. and oh have you heard. lindsay lohan is gay. we could get married and have an open relationship. awesome! anyway, i took a sleeping pill and i need my beauty sleep. im getting really drunk and dancing my ass of tomorow night.

until next time.