i heart lesbians!

last night I went to stoner girls house and met one of her ear friends from high school. meggy is what we will call her. I was super droned (drunk and stoned) when all of the men leave the room. meggy turns to me and confesses that she is a lezbian. I love her! she freaking is amazing. anyway, she is married but currently has the sweetest gf ever. lol we laughed and laughed. she wants me to go gay clubbin tonight but I am going camping with my graduating class. anyway im gonna get some hott football player ass!

its our decision to live fast and die young.

i feel for a girl. one with a vag in case you were wondering. baybay is her name. well not really but now. i am supper stoned by the way. so anyway, i meet her think she would be good to use to take home so my family doesnt worry. next thing i know i am thinking about her a lot and when we txt i smile everytime (i mean everytime) i receive a new message from her. puppy love. i feel hardcore. i asked her to be my girlfriend and she agrees. happiest 24 hours of my life. next night i went out with country girl. we all now how i like to get trashed and dance untill i cant dance anymore. i get a text that says, "im not ready" bitch broke my heart. a girl! i was finally comfortable with who i was and this chick comes around and makes me second guess. she isnt ready? ugh. next day we talk and decide that we shouldnt be bf and gf so soon. we both admitted that we were crazy for each other. as of now we are still dating...or seeing each other as she put it. everytime i see her she tells me how crazy she is about me. at work she spends my shift with me. i really wanna liek her and experience a relationship first hand but honestly i cant be hurt. heartache is awful and i would rather die than go through that. seriously. it fucking sucks. i dont any part of it at all. anyway, what do i do? do i let myself experience the magical thing they call love or do i just play it safe. is it really worth it? ohh my goodness? why am i so late finding this stuff out? this is third grade for most kids.

another story, my dad keeps talking ot my sister and not me. i mean not word to me for a year but every night to her. why? her REAL dad is meeting her for the first time 2morrow. i want to tell my dad so bad so he will be hurt. i would love it. birdboy is moving back. im excited but i realize things will never be the same. seriously. everybody keeps tell me he shares the feelings it was obvious and when he gets back we will eventually be together ( says stonergirl) i dont know. i know that after i have met somebody i will never be able to be alone again. which really sucks. i liked being alone. has anybody read twighlight? awesome. ok now im being random. i am so confused.

ugh school and work together suck. i really need to go sleep.

untill next time.

to be or not to be

its 6 am and i cant sleep. just when i was a little bit comfortable with who i am. (gay) a girl comes along. it all started out as a blind date. it was slutgirl who decided we would be a perfect match. i only agreed bc slut doesnt know i am gay and i thought it couldnt hurt. well, i was expecting a fat girl who wasnt that pretty. when i walked in the room i was blown away. she was gorgeous. we spent the whole night talking about each other. likes and dislikes. i am more confused than ever.

help